After 8 years, still can’t find a good man in St. Lucia (Thursday edition)

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After 8 years, still can’t find a good man in St. Lucia (Thursday edition)


Dear Willie:
I am divorced and single for eight years now, unfortunately, and still can’t find a good man here.

The good Lucian men are few and far between. I am yet to find one that doesn’t lie… and not to mention cheat. I am now looking for an overseas guy who perhaps would not have already slept with a basket-full of Lucian women.

The good guys are usually the ones who end up with the bad women and the other way around. Nonetheless I gave up on these guys. All singing and dancing the same tune and beat. If you know what I mean. You start a relationship with them only to find out they have wives, girlfriends, jabals, and so much baggage and skeletons hidden.

In as much as I want to get married again, I am scared of these men. I did date twice and tried to find love again but both times end up the same. They were liars. I picked up my broken pieces, mending them again as before, and choose to be vigilant and more alert. What is your advice Willie? Help!

Alone and lonely.

Dear Alone and Lonely: Wow! Eight years and still can’t find the right man. That is something, isn’t it?

I do understand.

In my previous letter, I expressed similar sentiments: a lot of men here are lying too much. If you believe that looking for love overseas is the best option, then by all means. However, bear in mind, you have no-good men in every country, and even bigger players.

However, I have known  a lot of St. Lucian women who have found love overseas or with foreigners, and vice versa. At the end of the day, if we exhaust options, we have to make more options until we get into the zone we aspire to be.

And after a divorce, I am very sure you’re even more cautious. You would want to ensure your next choice makes a lifetime of sense.

I do agree with you: a lot of the men here sleep around. And don’t leave the women out. A lot of the women have been around too. It is such a small place, that it is not hard to bump into someone your girlfriend or boyfriend have slept with before. That’s the downside of dating in small countries. Either you accept it or you don’t. And even if the person does not have a lot of ex-partners, you will surely bump into the one or two, or few, he/she had slept with.

So as I said, do what’s best for you. If you’ve searched far and wide in St. Lucia and you’re not getting what you want, the door is wide open. Broaden your horizons. Nothing is wrong with that. Try online dating. Travel, meet new people, network more. However, continue to have an open mind, and DO NOT let your guard down with foreigners either.

Willie

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Dear Willie is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday exclusively on this site. The responses by this column are the opinion of the author of Dear Willie and are not to be thought of as counseling or advice. The opinion is based on limited information provided by the user. By requesting a response, the user agrees that both Dr. Willie and Andrews Media Services Corp/St. Lucia News Online are not to be held liable for any damages to the user or any third party associated with the user.

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56 COMMENTS

  1. there is nothing such as a good man grow up, wake up and smell the coffee. A fairytale life is what u want and u won't get it cuz im sure the man u were married to u left him and u had relationships with men that were worse than him but u were ok with it. If u don't stop thinking of finding the perfect man then u'll just be jumping from man to man , The REALIST

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  2. Rose, i do believe in God. but i also respect science. to many ppl religion and science are diametrically opposed in their minds but it should not be so. religion explains the WHY and science explains the HOW. because u have total faith in your beliefs doesnt mean the evolutionary thoery should be completely discredited. u need to be more open minded. and by the way in the bible there were many men of god who had several wives and God had no problem with that. adultery is sleeping with another mans wife. having more than one wife is not a sin. accept it. just be a lady and let a man be a man

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    • Evolution and God don’t go together, and I’m no fanatic. God might have allowed certain things. It doesn’t mean he thought it was right.

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  3. Rose, i do believe in God, i dont doubt His word. He gave us a mind so that we may have the capacity to think and reason and understand the universe around us. religion and science fact tend to be diametrical opposites in many peoples minds but it should not be so. religion explains the WHY and science explains the HOW. and who told u that im not God-inspired? do u think im an atheist just because im well-read and scientific-minded? do u assume that im not spiritual because i accept evolutionary theory? come on. its religious fanatics like you who impede mankinds progress through your close-mindedness.and by the way in the bible there were several men of god who had several wives and God had no problem with that. according to the bible adultery is when a man sleeps with another mans wife. a man having more than one wife was fine. sometimes i wonder if i was born a few thousand years early.

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    • Evolution and God don't go together, and I'm no fanatic. God might have allowed certain things. It doesn't mean he thought it was right.

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    • Marvin, I really wasn't referring to you as not being God-inspired. I was referring to the people (evolutionists)whose writings you study. Do you see yourself as not being spiritual why you were so quick to assume I was speaking about you?

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  4. how old are are u good looking any wealth do u have a job reply me plz also looking a wife from st lucia i live abroad

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  5. @Lioness that's why you have to seek God first in every thing you do. Sometimes women get married for all the wrong reasons without even finding out the man's personal background only to find out later that this is a serial killer or whatever.there's a saying that goes " before you love and rush into marriage try loving yourself and marrying yourself 1st. My point is always seek God no matter the situation

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  6. You all need to go on youtube and watch Tony Gaskins video " love versus In love". then you will realize where the real problems lie in relationships nowadays.

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  7. What is a "GOOD MAN" to you??? Lucian men want a good woman too. You were married once you might have been the one who contributed to your divorce.SO WE LUCIAN MEN WANT A GOOD WOMAN TOO!!!NOT ONE WITH YOUR BAGGAGE!!!

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  8. nature of the beast. men and women are different. the primal nature of a man is to conquer. in ancient times a man had to be physically strong to hunt and protect his tribe. he also needed to be aggressive. amongst the women the strongest and most aggressive males were the most desirable. a man always had to have a competitive edge. and to ensure the survival of his bloodline and species. another way to achieve this was to impregnate as many females as he could throughout his life. in todays civilized society there is no need for this aggression and conquest. however, these primal drives still exist within us. today we dont have to hunt cattle nor fight predators. but the compulsion to dominate/conquer is still strong... as is the urge to climb every woman we see. this is why we are what we are and do what we do. this is y u must love and accept ppl as they are and stop comparing them to your stupid ideals. u should be grateful for what we are because if we werent so, there would be no human race today. men may evolve one day but u and i wont live to see thar. but for now due to what we are, there will always be sports there will always be jails and men will always "cheat". we will always be tempted by the next skirt we see pass. i for one am proud of my warrior/hunter roots. ill always be driven to bed the next big backside i see. in the middle east a man can have as many wives as he can take care of. its no sin. but in western world women are spoiled brats who ready to die when their man look at another woman. if ur man treat u right and take good care of u and never abuse you, do the right thing and shut ur eyes and shut your mouth and be grateful u gettin it so good. maybe i should marry a blind woman. lol

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    • Marvin, it seems you've been researching the net to come up with some excuse for men's behaviour. May I suggest the Bible as a guide instead. I don't believe what another ordinary human being (meaning not God-inspired) says should be accepted over The Word.

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  9. maybe u just havent found a compatible match. u should try astrology. im a scorpio and as far as i have experienced, pisces and cancer are highly compatibile with me due to our simillar emotional natures as well as differences. scorpio is dominant and cancer and pisces like being submissive to us. taurus balances scorpio in a solid relationship. libra and gemini are fun and flirtatious but lack the emotional depth scorpio needs to feel. i could never date an aries since a body cannot have two heads. and theyre too aggressive. leo is too full of herself to think much of me. sagittarius true love is their freedom and they wont sacrifice that for anything. virgo and capricorn are serious minded like scorpio and also hard working. aquarius have friends everywhere and id have to fight for more attention and i may have jealousy issues with that. and mighty scorpio... what can i say? we're just to similar... two godheads fighting for total control if the other... but on the other hand scirpios make the bust f**k buddies... i have 3 of them... any way what im trying to say is that astrology has true merit. if only ppl would educate themselves... there are three books i can recommend. linda goodmans sun signs, linda goodmans love signs and sexual astrology by martine. remember, astrology is not a religion, its just a way of trying to understand one another. wish u love and success

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  10. maybe u just havent found a compatible match. u should try astrology. im a scorpio and as far as i have experienced, pisces and cancer are highly compatibile with me due to our simillar emotional natures as well as differences. scorpio is dominant and cancer and pisces like being submissive to us. taurus balances scorpio in a solid relationship. libra and gemini are fun and flirtatious but lack the emotional depth scorpio needs to feel. i could never date an aries since a body cannot have two heads. leo is too full of herself to think much of me.

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  11. A man has a woman who,does everything a woman needs to do and vise versa ,but yet still they lie and cheat,so tell me what is the problem? Its by choice neither has to do this if you truly love each other

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  12. how come people who are not perfect, feel that it is there right to get some who is perfect, sometimes we have to do a bit of house keeping first, work on ourselves first.

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  13. Not that hard to find but you ll refuse to look at them twice. Just because you sleep with a few people does not make you a bad person it's how you go about doing it. I'm still single and looking for a good St. Lucian woman and that one is a statistical nightmare. If you think the men bad the women worse.

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    • sometimes we rip what we sow, i am a woman in my view maybe the problem is no longer whether there are good men or women or how worst they are, we get what we look for so stop looking for the same personalities and try something different,a new or better approach is always worth a try!

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  14. men will b men all the time i agree with everything you said. Except trying overseas. @ 48 years been separated for over ten years and cant find one. Those i got don't interest me. Don"t make yourself lonely. love you. I love my life. lol. Pray pray pray.Smile

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  15. Every time a man is having sex with a woman, a woman is having sex with a man. so why do men have to get the blame ....

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  16. Let's be friend at first and let see where it goes you can email me jblessed99 at Ya h o o dot com i live in Dom Rep. i;ve been to your Island 4 yrs back

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  17. Not all of us luck to have good partners so learning to love ur self first does help when loneliness is d option at hand but don't b desperate coz u may sell ur self short who there 4u bad mind cah steal if his love is honesty real

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  18. Let's be honest, a lot of women *priority* is NOT finding a "good man" till much much later (if really ever). What does that song say..."Girls just wanna have fun!" and all the emotional drama that comes with it.

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  19. Well then the fact that you know they lie and cheat and you still looking means you given up your vagina a fair share of times look with your heart not your vagina and see what happens 🙂

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  20. a relationship has ups and down some of us choose to go the easy way and not try to work things out sit and talk find out y this took placeetc

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  21. I totally understand what you are going through, but it is hard all around in which ever country you are. You just believe that it is harder in st Lucia because you are in st.lucia. I am overseas where a lot of the men - Caribbean get married for papers. Even then you find men are married and don't wear rings. They bring you to their bachelor pad, introduce you to their friends, wine and dine you.. And after you fall head over heels they tell you that they are married and just for papers - nothing serious- next thing you know wifey, baby mama and other jabal ringing up your phone and driving you crazy. Thank God I have not been there but I know many of my friends who have gotten heartbroken over this and they are not Lucian or Caribbean men. I believe it is just how people are now a days. They don't value love as much as people long ago did. Side chicks get more praise than main chicks.. Most people will advise that you date some more ant get to know people to figure out what u like and don't like. It is always a risk and a chance that you are taking. You just have to be willing to take that risk for that one person. It might work or might not work.. But don't just rush it....

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  22. My experience is that women tend to hear the man say he has woman and children and get involved. When sex start getting enjoyable that's when they complain about the man.
    They don't discuss relationship but when they fall in love they begin to say the man lied when he would have told her his life story.
    That's also the time she accusses him of still being with his girlfriend

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  23. Mis lonely and other women that's looking for a good man don't look for them in church always outside and yet they say they can not get a good man, you know I have come to realize some or most women say they want a good man but not a godly man cause they don't want you to be to good willie we have a lot of men that is not cheaters and lies all women .but they don't look for us

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  24. The Almighty is stalling you because He hates divorce. It is till death do you part. Your husband is still alive. The Messiah granted divorce because of the hardness of the people's hearts but He said in the beginning it was not so. Not because the whole world is divorcing means it is right.

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  25. There is far more women than men in slu,,makin it so easy for us to cheat,,the young girls kno that and don't mind sharing a man wit another woman or other women ,, and we men take advantage of that,,whoop whoop

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  26. What is this St.Lucian male bashing week on dear willie? While it is correct to state, that we as St.Lucian men have not stepped up and be committed husbands and boyfriends to our women;where is the balance in all of this. When yall women go and play for the other team, and find out that they too lie and cheat,is like there is no internet access to express the hurt and pain.
    The others who travel thousands of miles to Europe and North America, only to find out that their prince charming has a wife or significant other,find comfort in the God is good mantra. No letters of outrage,betrayal or deceit,maybe the site is under construction at the time.
    Brother AB please pass the hymnal am now a convert and will be singing out of that "stats" chorus.

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  27. If after 8 years you can't find a man, then there's only one common denominator here ... and it's you. Don't blame the men.

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  28. Women keep saying that "men sleep around", "men cheat" and "all men want is sex". Yet still, they fail to realise that there are only 2 sexes and it also takes to hands to clap. Therefore, every time a man is having sex with a woman, a woman is having sex with a man. At the end of the day, women have sex just as much as men and they also "lie", "cheat" and have sex with a "basket-full" of men.

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  29. Alot of you'll women fast to divorce most times only because of pride because you'll think if urll husband made a mistake friends will laugh at you'll. What happened to till death do us part? For better or worse. We have to keep in mind that no one walking this earth is perfect n everyone deserves chances. Im a woman but I promise I'll never divorce my husband no matter the situation. God is good. What you gonna do? Marry another man n after you'll start having problems divorce him again? Smfh. Most ppl especially women marry for the wrong reasons thats why their marriages never last n they become even lonelier than they already were chooops

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    • @ smh tan "I'll never divorce my husband no matter the situation." Really? He beats you relentlessly, abuses you in every form, molests your kids, treats you like dirt,and lets not forget CHEATING. Lets see if you will stick around for all of that. Being divorced doesn't automatically makes you an outcast. So regardless of her reason for divorcing her husband she has the right to find love once more.

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  30. Gal your standards are too high. All you women don't know how to be ladies and treat a man like a man. All you wanna be independent and do as you please. To all you Lucian women a good man is one who does what all you want, when all you want. This nah work.

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  31. I really dont get it wif men omg this hole love ting Omfg its drivin me crazy.. No wonder grl an grl an boy an boy

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  32. It's time to bake your own man. Hope it's not too dark, well done and sweet enough for your taste. Good luck.

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